I've never watched an episode of The Bachelor[ette]. I think the concept of competing for love is absurd. The ridiculous things people do to prove their worth is straight up silly.
With that said I've decided it may be in my best in my best interest to compete for a rose. I will (undoubtedly) make it through a few rounds while winning America over. They'll fall in love with my apprehension of reality TV and my tell-it-like-it-is way of life. I know, playing up my strengths seems like a slid plan!
Next, I act heartbroken when I get kicked off. I probably will be upset because I don't like to lose, but I'll have to play it up so the world thinks I have feelings for someone other than myself.
Finally, I leverage my place as America's newest IT girl to become a correspondent on Good Morning America. The transition is a no-brainer because I've proven great for ABC's ratings and I have a journalism degree.
You see, being a contestant on The Bachelor is a power move. It'll be good for my career.
If only I thought up this scheme a few years ago I could have been reporting live from Rome today, as the new Pope was named, standing next to the man of my dreams; Josh Elliott.
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