In regards to the past my motto is simple; only look at it from the rear view mirror as you’re moving forward. If someone or something in your past and not your present it’s for a reason. But lately the past has been sneaking up on my present. Now all of sudden my rearview mirror is more like a fun house mirror, distorting all the clichés I try to live by.
My high school flame recently asked if I’d be interested in catching up. It took me so long to file him away in my “lessons learned” folder I can’t imagine revisiting those old feelings. But here we are ten years later, grown up and hopefully a bit more mature and I can’t help but to wonder, what if I was right when I was seventeen? Is it worth taking a trip back to senior year of high school and to the boy who is probably responsible for my cynical view on relationships because I need to believe that people can change?
It’s not just people from my past, I’ve also spent a lot of time lately thinking about decisions I’ve made in the past.
When the ball dropped and 2006 arrived I found myself getting cozy with a dear friend. We had had a few intimate moments before and like those times we attributed our closeness to having too much to drink. After all, that’s what you do when you’re 21. But on that particular New Year’s Eve I made the decision to leave that boy and meet up with another friend. That decision ultimately lead me to a rather lengthy relationship that never really worked.
Years later I find myself in a very similar situation with that same dear friend. I can’t help but to wonder if I made a terrible decision years ago that put me through years of aggravation when I could have been on my path to happiness with him or, if the present situation is nothing more than it ever was; good old fashioned “twenty-something fun”. That’s the trouble with examining the past. You never know if you’re making a bigger deal out of events than they really were. And if your view of the past is skewed your view of the present begins to skew as well.
When it comes to the past, are the rules black and white? Should we just keep moving forward, or are there some special instances that should be revisited? If I go back, am I destined to make the same mistakes all over again? If I don’t, am I denying a second chance that the universe has graciously given to me?
