Was it Fate?

I’ve always gone back and forth with the idea of fate. I really do believe “what’s meant to be will find a way” and “everything happens for a reason”. At the same time, I don’t think you can just float through life haphazardly assuming someday the stars will align and make everything OK.

But, if fate is real then I really screwed things up yesterday! Let me back track…

Last semester I took a research class on Thursday nights. Most of the students were education majors. There was only 4 communications people in the class; me, my gal pal Mel, the craziest writer I know Brian, and Rae the girl with the shaved head. For the purposes of this story Rae is irrelevant.

Mel and I sat in the second row, Brian sat directly behind us. On the first night of class Mel nudged me and whispered out of the corner of her mouth, “Check out the kid in the last row.” I discreetly turned around got one glance at Mr. Thursday Night and my heart skipped a beat. I spent the next few weeks just noticing him, never speaking a word. Mid-semester we had to give group presentations. Of course we comm. people stuck together. We gave our presentation then sat patiently while the perky wannabe kindergarten teachers took their turn. Finally it was time for my crush’s group to go. As his group finished Brian said to Mel and me “that guy is really good looking”. Yes, a straight guy noticed.

A week later during the class break Mr. Thursday Night approached us
MTN: Where you girls at Kildare’s last weekend?
Me and Mel: Yeah
MTN: I thought that was you
Me: We didn’t even see you there. You should have said hello
MTN: I was pretty drunk and wasn’t sure if it was you guys.
Me: Well next time say hi!

I couldn’t catch my breath. I was more excited than a 12 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. What was going on? I’ve never been like this before. I’m not shy! I don’t turn red. I don’t get embarrassed. I’m an outgoing girl!!

For the next few weeks I kept my eyes peeled every weekend just in case I happened to see him at the bar. There was hardly a word spoken in class and then the semester ended. Surely, I thought I’d never see him again.

Yesterday afternoon I was walking into the bookstore and there he was, Mr. Thursday Night, walking out. I haven’t seen him in four months. My heart skipped a beat just like it did the first day I saw him. He smiled and I smiled….and we both kept walking…in opposite directions.

Do I believe in fate? Was fate giving me a second chance? Did I just spit in the face of fate?

Agism

At what age should someone begin to settle down? If you are in your early 20s you’re considered young, with a lifetime ahead of you. You still have plenty of time to have fun, focus on your career, find the right person, buy a house, get married, have kids….if your 23 the world is yours.

But, somewhere between 23 and 27 the idea of young changes drastically. By this time you should be out of your party phase, have a solid grip on your career, find love and own property. You should be planning your wedding and naming your hypothetical kids. That’s a lot to achieve in four years.

But if you aren’t married, or even close to engaged by the time you’re thirty, people WILL assume there is something wrong with you. This isn’t the “old maid” rule, this theory holds true for both guys and girls. A few nights ago, over dinner with some gal pals the topic of conversation focused on age, as it often does. Most girls tend to have a “plan”; married by 28, children by 30. I’m not sure if guys put themselves on tracks the same way. But, I do know if a guy is in his 30s, single and successful but never married most girls assume there is something wrong with him. There must be some hidden quirk they just haven’t found yet, otherwise someone would have married him, right?

I say “most girls” here because I honestly believe I am not one of these girls. I’m not a fan of having a timeline for my life. I’m also still working on my career. I have a great job, running all aspects of communications for a company in my hometown. But I long for a big city. With just over a month till I reach my 27th birthday, I am still in my career phrase. I can’t give up this pursuit to focus on the husband hunt instead. So many of my friends, however, are anxious to “settle down” with Mr. or Mrs. Right.

I have a few friends who claim to have a good job and a good partner. Some of the do, and that’s awesome. These are people who allow the cynics like me to know it’s possible. I thank heaven for those people who have it all; it gives me something to aspire to. But some I’d urge to step back and take a closer look at your life. If you’re always complaining about your job and your man, if his family is mean to you and your boss is constantly on your case, you don’t have it all. You’ve accepted that this is how it has to be if you want to stay on your timeline.

For the rest of us, not yet ready to settle before we make our next birthday wish; people will assume there is something wrong with us. Society tends to stereotype people of a certain age. For some reason their education, success at work, and community involvement doesn’t matter if they don’t have I “someone to share it with”. I refuse to be discriminated against because I’m the ripe old age of late-twenties. Furthermore, I refuse to assume a man has deep seeded issues just because he’s never been married. With all the advances in science, why are we are still keeping time with a biological clock.